"Shelly"

4 September 2021

My name is "Shelly" ___. My husband and I were part of Vision Baptist Missions from September of 2010 until Aug. 1, 2020. I realize you have received many emails containing testimonies of the abusive culture surrounding Austin Gardner and Vision Baptist missions. What I have to say will not be groundbreaking but rather consistent with the things the others have said. I believe it is important for you to see that these are not isolated incidences.

My husband, under the guidance of our former pastor, began attending classes at the training centre at Vision Baptist church in 2008. My first experience with Vision was during our 6 month internship in Arequipa Peru from March until September of 2010.

Our family shared housing with another young family who were also on their internship. These internships were meant to weed out those who could not handle the mission field. Our husbands were meant to spend as much time as is possible with the host missionaries Chris and David Gardner (we were discouraged from spending time with other missionaries not under Austin Gardner’s influence). It was greatly frowned upon for them to be home with their families during daylight hours. As it is to be expected, there were many struggles for our young families in a new country, in rustic housing, our husbands gone most of the time and also trying to learn Spanish. Although we all struggle in different areas in life, it seemed that we had quickly learned that to avoid being mocked by the Gardners was to show our exclusive loyalty to them. We didn’t deserve to be treated any better than the other family, but we were, simply because we learned the system. The struggles this couple went through in their marriage and family life became regular topics of conversation in front of all the missionaries. They were regularly humiliated and torn down by Austin and the other leadership, while our family was praised and lifted up. We were always afraid of being the next public example, so we kept the praise for the Gardners, along with buying them gifts, as a priority. However, sharing intimate details about our lives and the lives of others were not only expected, but would be rewarded as being seen as loyal and teachable. To not do so, one would quickly learn, would have you labeled as unteachable and not a team player.

I remember feeling so conflicted by this display. On one hand I felt the conviction of the Holy Spirit that I should be reaching out to my brother and sister in Christ, loving them, encouraging them, and helping them. But on the other hand my pride loved the praise that I was getting from the leadership. The more this couple suffered the more we were lifted up. When they would beg for help from the leadership they were met with criticism and mocking. Anything they told the leaders in private would always eventually be made public. It is one of my greatest regrets that I simply sat silent and did nothing. When they eventually left vision I never reached out.

Sadly this was a common theme throughout our time with Vision. I knew far more about the deep personal issues of the other missionary families than I ever should have. I quickly learned what it looks like to be a good missionary wife that would be praised rather than a poor example and tried my hardest to play that part. Even during our support raising I would play a different part for every church depending on what their preferences were. The joke in many missionary meetings was that we were to be all things to all people that we may gain their support. We weren’t allowed to let supporters know that Vision did not have a ‘no pants on women rule’ or that we weren’t a King James Only mission board. These issues where always left intentionally vague so as to have enough plausible deniability so that we weren’t ‘technically lying’. While I am guilty for being compliant to this, this was the direct teaching of the leadership that we were under. We misrepresented ourselves to many churches because we were taught that the ultimate goal of getting to the field was far more valuable than having integrity along the way.

My relationships with other missionary wives were for the most part very shallow as I never knew who to trust. When families would leave I would choose to ignorantly believe the excuses given up by the leadership. To reach out to them might mean that something would have to change in my own life, or even worse, we would be seen as disloyal for speaking to a dissenter.

I watched as my strong, confident, husband was torn down time and time again. I watched him struggle with his identity as he tried to reach the impossible goal of Austin’s approval. So many of our life decisions we are directed simply by that desire to have that approval. There were so many red flags for him and so many times that he wanted to leave but was always roped back in. He was constantly told that all of his apprehensions were selfish and that if he would simply “die to self” he would no longer feel this way.

The longer we lived overseas and had distance from vision the more clearly we began to see just how sinful many of these behaviours were. One of the most disturbing aspects of that culture is in the way women are viewed.

• It was commonly taught that husbands should not share communication with their wives.
• It was commonly taught that women had to be kept busy and not allowed to become bored or they might fall into sin.
• It was commonly taught that the ministry of discipleship of women was of far less value than the training of men.
• It was commonly taught that women should not share their opinions with their husbands if they believed something he was doing was wrong but should keep their mouths shut.
• The most disturbing thing that was commonly taught was the most important role of a wife was to provide unlimited sex to her husband as this would fix any problem in his life. I am so grateful to my heavenly father for the husband that I have. While he did seek Austin’s approval in so many areas of our lives, he never allowed that culture to permeate our marriage. My husband has always valued me, encouraged me to be strong, pushed me to give my opinion and have a voice in our life. While I allowed the flawed teaching of vision to shape the way I viewed myself, my husband always fought against that culture.

One of the hardest results of this teaching for me to see was in the life of the missionary wife that we worked alongside of for many years. She became one of my closest friends. I confided in her more than any person outside of my husband. This friend was one of the strongest most intelligent women that I have ever known. She is an extremely gifted teacher of God’s word. During the years that we served alongside each other I watched a terrible cycle that continually took place in her life. As she would be emboldened to teach and serve in women’s ministries in our church she would inevitably come under the teaching of Austin once again and then plummet into deep despair. So many times she would tell me that after listening to a Friday class she realized that her ministry was a waste of time and energy because the only ministry that mattered was that of training man. She would be told that the women in our church that were hungry for discipleship were a waste of time because they could never be pastors. This broke my heart to see. Clearly it is not Biblical teaching, but she believed she must submit herself to it because of Austin’s role in her life and the life of her husband. She would share with me many times her despair and frustration over this but would ultimately say that it was “ungodly” to feel this frustration and that her “godly” husband would never feel this way. She would rarely share any of her frustrations or pain with her husband because she felt he would view her as un Christlike and high maintenance for having negative thoughts, a notion that was drilled into us by Austin’s teaching. It was so painful to watch this woman be robbed of a voice in her own life and for the body of Christ to be robbed of a valuable member.

The breaking point for my family came in 2019 during a regional conference with Austin Gardner and Jeff Bush as well as several other missionaries in the region we worked in. Although it was a typical regional conference, for us it revealed a stark contrast between the Grace-filled, Christ-centered men and women of God, outside of VBM, we worked with in our city.

During this conference Austin said horrible things about the other ministers in our city, including that they were not even true believers. He slandered pastors back in the states and even some of his own church members. The most disturbing part of this time was that he daily tore down the missionary family that we worked with. He told them how every part of their ministry had been done wrong and that they must do everything that he said to correct it. He tore down this man’s personality and gifting repeatedly. He would then in-turn compliment my husband. He would tell how my husband had the correct gifting and that the church we served in together would ultimately choose my husband over the other missionary as their pastor. I watched as my closest friend began to resent our family because of these words. She could not become frustrated with Austin because he was “the man of god” but instead became angry with us saying we enjoyed the way Austin was speaking to them. Later on in the week Austin told a story about his time as a missionary in Peru. He told how he would often use competition to motivate the young men he was training to do more. He said that there is a very fine line between manipulation and motivation. He said that he would take one young man and compliment him while criticising the other young man. He said that the result of this would always be one would work hard to stay on top while the other would work hard to prove he was as good as the other one. When he told that story my husband and I nearly broke down in tears as we realised he was doing the exact same thing to our two families. That week was ultimately the final straw in our relationship with VBM.

I naïvely believed that when my husband addressed all of these sinful behaviors he saw in the leadership in December of 2019 that they would prayerfully consider these things, repent, and seek reconciliation with our family. Sadly this is not what happened at all. We were shut out so quickly that it was shocking. I was removed from all VBM communication with no warning and no word from anyone. I felt as though I had never existed.

We began the process of transitioning out of the church that we had worked and with the other VBM missionary and had our final Sunday there the first week of February 2020. We began serving alongside the church of a national Pastor immediately. This church provided us a place for spiritual healing as well as the hope for launching point for future ministry endeavors in our city. My husband continued preaching, teaching, and discipling every week. In March 2020 our entire country, like most of the world, locked down. While we continued to teach remotely from our home in London we were not able to meet with anyone in person because of the strict lockdown rules.

(As a side note here, it came to our attention during this time from at least two of the non VBM ministers that we served alongside that members of VBM were saying that we had forsaken the faith and no longer loved God. It always bothered me that those from VBM could say those things about us without ever coming to us with their unfounded concerns about our spiritual condition. This again highlights Austin’s pattern of demeaning and lying about those whom he may feel threatened by. Anyone who attempts to shed light into the darkness of the culture he has created at VBM is met with painful ramifications. Because Austin, and the other leaders of VBM are considered by many to be trustworthy ‘men of God’, and because they have the loudest voice, their story alone gets to tell whatever narrative they wish.)

The lockdown allowed for much prayer and consideration for our future ministry. We became very aware of the truth that we had misrepresented ourselves to so many of our supporting churches while part of VBM. We also became aware that serving out of the National church that we had become part of would not be forthright to our supporters as many of them would not be on the same page with preferential aspects of the church such as music and Bible version. After much prayer and counsel we eventually made the decision to return home, although we were not sure how and when that would be able to take place as flights had been cancelled in our country as movement was restricted at the time. We made the decision to stay in our country and serve until the Lord opened a door for us to leave. A last-minute opportunity arose at the end of May 2020 for us to sell our possessions and get a flight to the states and then drive back to our hometown. We had three days to pack up our possessions and leave. Because of the hurried nature of our departure our pastor at that time advised us not to resign from the VBM or send a resignation letter to our supporting churches until we had had a chance to sit down with him. We returned home and spent the next month finding jobs, housing, schools for our children, and all that is entailed with moving internationally and uprooting your entire life. We tried repeatedly to schedule the meeting with our pastor but he could not meet with us until early July. Immediately following that meeting on July 6, 2020 and according to our pastor’s instruction we sent our resignation letter to Jeff Bush to let him know we were resigning effective August 1 as well as forwarding him our letter to be sent to our supporting churches. We have kept all email communication and can give verification for all of these details.

I give this account because it later came to our knowledge that many lies had been told about our family including that we had been stealing support for a year while not serving on the mission field. It was told that we took $60,000 from our escrow account (we in fact had $2,000 in our escrow account) to use as a down payment on a house. It was also told that my husband would regularly get drunk because of the pressures on him. These things are completely untrue. We keep meticulous records and can easily prove that they are untrue.

The concerning part is that these things were being said about us during missionary meetings and the OG summit yet not one single person from leadership came to us to ask about them. If they really believed them to be true one would have to hope that they would want to address it with us, our pastor, or our supporting churches. It has broken my heart that the people who once called themselves my family could so easily dismiss us and then slander us in such a terrible way. I now know that we are not alone in being treated like this. These are all tactics used to keep our voices silent and to prevent those under the influence of Austin from hearing the truth. This is just one more reason why it is so essential that an outside investigation of all of these accusations of abuse go forward. There is a culture of falsehood and slandering of anyone who dares question Austin and the culture surrounding him. VBM cannot be trusted to bring truth to light. Words and truth matter.

We have paid a huge cost for standing up and attempting to bring truth to light. We lost many friends, the home that we loved, the dreams of a life on the mission field, our reputation among those that have listened to the lies. The freedom we have found from rooting our identity firmly in our Saviour and tearing down the idolatry of serving a man and his mission has been far greater than any loss.

I am so grateful that the Lord has allowed us to have a voice, has moved us to a wonderful healthy church where we are growing and serving, and has redeemed so many relationships that were broken during our time at VBM. I am confident that God will use all of our stories for good.

These are only a few examples of the things I observed during my time at VBM. I beg you to consider all the testimonies that are being placed in your hands. My prayer is ultimately for our Savior to be glorified and for true Biblical restoration and healing to take place.

I would also like to note that silence and inaction are extremely dangerous. Silence and inaction are what have allowed this wicked behavior to run rampant for so many years. It is our duty as brothers and sisters in Christ to speak up when things are wrong and to reach out when members of the body are hurting. If our goal is to lead people to trust and follow Jesus we must start with each other.

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13:34-35

"Shelly"