A reader sent this in because they were wanting to figure out if it was right or not to expose something like this publicly, and they sent in the results of their Bible study.

See the image below for a diagram of how to determine whether or not something should have public exposure or not:

Or click on this link for a longer answer

One doesn’t have to wonder what Mark really thinks about those he has admittedly sinned against. He concludes his article by implying that those who have spoken out against his sin, and the sins of others in leadership at VBM are only doing so in an effort to regain their lost glory.

The Cross, Courage, Character, Confession

Nov 28, 2022

https://www.inhisjoyfulservice.com/archives/26164

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The Cross: Confession

Courage is facing things you fear or showing strength in pain. Character is similar to integrity: upright, moral, and honest. All of this stems from a bedrock of humility. Our sinful natures often cause us to be prideful, which corrupts character and promotes cowardice.

But this is where the beauty of the cross comes into play! The cross rips the mask off of who we masquerade around as and allows us to deal with our sin…in terms of needing to be saved from its punishment but also in terms of sanctification and becoming more like Jesus.

In terms of salvation, God has been so merciful to me! I have repented of my sins and put my faith in the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus Christ as my Lord and Saviour! I love and adore Him. I want to serve and glorify Him more than anything else.

In terms of sanctification, God has been so gracious to me. Along this journey, there is continued repentance towards sin and faith in the truths of His Word.

In other words, there is tremendous hope for the believer. This hope has extended to me, and I pray it spreads to countless others. May we say with Paul, “For I determined not to know any thing among you, save Jesus Christ, and him crucified.” ( 1 Corinthians 2:2)

This journey of sanctification isn’t always pleasant, but it is one that I can be thankful for because God allows me to see my sin and wrongdoings so that I may confess them and grow in holiness. So naturally speaking, we as humans want to have an excellent reputation, be seen as extraordinary or exceptional and be seen in a beautiful light. So we often wear masks of pride to cover up the ugliness of sin in our lives. Sometimes we take the focus off ourselves and cast it on others, so others don’t realize we are wearing a mask. Sometimes we just flat-out deny our wrongdoing and become defensive to save our “glory.” Of course, such attempts result in cowardness, foolishness, and more sin.

But the truth is the cross frees us from that kind of bondage. Because of the cross, we can courageously face and confess our sins because, through the Holy Spirit, we are becoming upright, moral, and honest people just like Christ. The cross causes the humility we need for courageous living because we no longer need to protect our reputations for acceptance or to feed our personality disorders or egos…instead we face them with the truth of the Word of God. My identity is in the cross. I was a wicked sinner; God’s grace saved me, and He is changing me. There is hope in the cross! It is the only way!

As I have grown in grace, I have seen where I have failed in my leadership, been wrong, and sinned. Praise God that I have a place to go to with this burden of sin: the cross! I confess my sin, wrongdoings, misplaced enthusiasm, and foolishness. I have no one else to blame but myself.

In my leadership,
I confess I was too harsh.
I confess I was domineering.
I confess I was unloving.
I confess I was overbearing.
I confess I was overly controlling.

As a believer, these things shouldn’t be so. As a spiritual leader, that standard is much higher because there are those following my lead.

I can say that it was never my plan to be any of these things, but that doesn’t mean that I wasn’t; I was at times. Some were even “right motives” but “wrong methods.” I could try to say that much was immaturity and naivety, which very well may have been, but that misplaces the responsibility for the sin, which is on me for the wrong actions, words, or attitudes I committed. Whatever other factors played into it (which I continue to consider through introspection, counseling, and the Holy Spirit’s work in my life), I take responsibility at the end of the day. I sinned. I confess. I repent. And it is only by the grace of God that I can humbly see my ugliness in the light of Scripture. Praise be to God, who continues to mold me into a servant-leader with gentleness and humility like our Saviour, Jesus Christ. So I pray, and ask you to pray with me, that God continues to develop me into a Biblical leader, gentle and lowly, that leads His sheep to follow Him and Him alone!

I should have followed the Biblical guideline better: “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.” ( Ephesians 5:21). I should have been more empathetic/compassionate. I am sorry to my family, anyone under my leadership or just my acquaintances who experienced me being domineering, unloving, overbearing, or overly controlling.

I am learning to embrace humility. There is so much freedom in letting go of your reputation and focusing on God maturing your character through the power of the Holy Spirit as He develops His fruit in your life!

True humility leads to repentance, which leads to life change from the inside out! Oh God, I repent, change, mold, and make me!

The Cross: Reconciliation

Not only does the cross allow you to be reconciled with God, allows you to take personal inventory concerning your spiritual walk with the Lord and how you are growing in grace, but it also allows you to open the door of reconciliation with others. The cross gives you the courage to face the fear of seeking forgiveness from those who hurt you or those who say you have hurt them. But, as silly as it seems, our sinful nature says this is scary because it humbles us by showing who we really are when all the “glory” is stripped away. But if the cross has already humbled you, you have nothing to fear. For the disciple of Christ, this should be a well-known path, one of humility and confession.

Side Note: In our day, this is an especially needed reminder. Much divisiveness comes from current cultural narratives, especially the culture that influences the church to be what it isn’t supposed to be—and destroys in its wake. The attitude from those drawing lines saying things like, “Anyone who loves Christ will…” fill in the blank with the issue they are advocating for at the moment. Social media has fueled the flames of character assassinations and shut down genuine dialogue, causing partisan splits with each side only paying attention to their side and causing cult-like separation and groups. Those who feel wronged by harsh and domineering behavior are given the platform to speak up, which can be good! Still, it often turns them into social media bullies who also apply the same harsh and domineering behavior they detest. There is a constant positive feedback loop that encourages more destruction and more argumentation. Abuse is responded to with abuse, but believers should recompense to no man evil for evil. People who lost their “glory” through mistreatment seek, maybe unknowingly, as they struggle with betrayal trauma, to regain their “glory” by speaking loudly and negatively about those who caused them harm. But no amount of causing another harm will heal their hurt. Again, the cross is the answer. It is embracing the cross and all it stands for that allows us as believers to go beyond sinning and strive to live who we are called to be!

Romans 12 is too powerful not to quote the whole passage here:

1 I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.
2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
3 For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith.
4 For as we have many members in one body, and all members have not the same office:
5 So we, being many, are one body in Christ, and every one members one of another.
6 Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, whether prophecy, let us prophesy according to the proportion of faith;
7 Or ministry, let us wait on our ministering: or he that teacheth, on teaching;
8 Or he that exhorteth, on exhortation: he that giveth, let him do it with simplicity; he that ruleth, with diligence; he that sheweth mercy, with cheerfulness.
9 Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good.
10 Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another;
11 Not slothful in business; fervent in spirit; serving the Lord;
12 Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer;
13 Distributing to the necessity of saints; given to hospitality.
14 Bless them which persecute you: bless, and curse not.
15 Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep.
16 Be of the same mind one toward another. Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits.
17 Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men.
18 If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.
19 Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.
20 Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head.
21 Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.

Romans 12:1-21

The cross allows you always to be willing to be ready for reconciliation with others. In any ruptured relationship, two parties are likely to have been offended. You will face much trauma and experience much hurt; when humans sin against each other, this results. You can always try to power through it, but I have realized that taking time to heal is the right path. The cross allows believers to be ready to reconcile with whoever, wherever, and whenever; of course, you can’t force or manipulate others to reconcile with you. Sometimes, you have to leave the situation in the hands of Almighty God. But that doesn’t change your identity, God working in your life, growing in grace, or finding a joyful life in Christ. We can know that God is using this all for our good ( Romans 8:28) if we genuinely love Him. I love Him!

I desire to glorify God in every area of our life, and this is a post I felt led to write. Pray for me on the amazing life-changing journey of being a follower of Christ!

1. It begins when power and authority are vested in an individual—most often a pastor (but not always) and most often a man (but not always)—and it can spread to other leaders and influencers in the congregation.

This power emerges from a pastor’s position, giftedness, persuasiveness, and perceived success. Other leaders, some of whom are sycophants riding coattails on a narcissist’s insatiable desire for glory, affirm that power and thus enhance it. Glory starts to be passed around: The pastor affirms an elder, and that elder affirms another elder, who affirms someone in the congregation. Before long, the pastor is surrounded by a circle of beholden power-and-glory-makers.

2. The pastor’s approval becomes the gold standard.

Those whom the pastor approves are approved. Churches that develop a fear culture almost always develop a perceived connection between the pastor’s power and God’s approval. It’s a sickness, a contagious disease, and it can be deadly to the spiritual health of the congregation. A study by Mark Allan Powell, a Lutheran seminary professor, showed “how differently the pastor and the congregation interpret Scripture.”[ 21] In his book titled What Do They Hear?, Powell makes an interesting observation: When laypeople read the Gospels, they identify with the disciples or with the marginalized people mentioned in the stories. When pastors read the same Gospel stories, they identify with Jesus. Why? Perhaps because when pastors preach stories from God’s Word, they stand in as the mouthpiece of God. Before long, they come to identify more with Jesus than with those in need of grace. This goes a long way toward explaining what we’re discussing here: Powerful pastors become associated too easily with God in the minds of the congregation. Which is why their approval matters. Many people in churches seem to think, If Pastor approves of me, then God must approve of me. And some pastors may want them thinking that way.

3. Those approved by the power pastor gain “status enhancement.”

When members of a congregation are affirmed and approved by the pastor—seen as a God-anointed messenger, a religious authority who speaks for God—their status within the church becomes “insider,” “significant,” and yes, for many, “powerful.” Their self-esteem goes up, they feel cool and “in,” and they become somewhat intoxicated with their newfound status. I (Scot) have had many conversations over the years with young leaders who had recently acquired a significant position at a megachurch. Though all were gifted (and thus well deserving of their new calling), what was obvious was that they were basking in their new status in ways beyond their own self-awareness. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying a new job or a promotion within one’s church. But my concern, and what I find potentially dangerous, is the evident status enhancement these young leaders felt from gaining the approval of a power pastor. Here’s an example: At a conference, I met a young woman who worked at a megachurch. She told me that every time she drives onto the church campus, she pinches herself to see if it’s real. And then she said, “It makes me feel really important to work here.” That’s status enhancement.

4. Power cuts with both sides of the blade.

Along with the power of approval and the ability to confer status enhancement comes the other side of the knife: the power of disapproval and “status degradation.” Power leaders carry the two-edged sword conspicuously. In subtle and not-so-subtle ways, they make it known that they can use it whenever they want (and almost no one can do anything about it).

5. The power-shaping culture transitions into a fear-shaped culture.

People who derive their status from the pastor’s approval live in constant fear of being disapproved at any moment. The church may well preach God’s unconditional love, but a fear-shaped culture is all about conditional approval. In some fear cultures, the power pastor, leaders, and “approval group” control the narrative and provide enough positive feedback for people to at least think they know where they stand. But the blade of reversal is ever-present, and in some churches is constantly on display. I (Laura) believe I experienced the disapproval phase firsthand at Willow Creek. I lost friendships—including one that was decades long—over what I said on social media and for refusing to apologize for my criticism of the church’s handling of events. I got the back side of the blade because my words did not match the conditions required for approval. Almost every victim, outspoken advocate, and resister with whom I’ve connected has spoken of lost relationships. The women who brought forth the first allegations, and those who supported them, endured far worse. Willow Creek’s approval group closed ranks and showed us all the razor-sharp blade.

6. Judgments and decisions are rendered behind a wall of secrecy.

In a power-through-fear culture, the powerful pastor and his close associates decide what information will be disseminated and what will be held back. The privilege of knowing what is going on, one quickly learns, is for insiders’ eyes and ears only. People resign and leave with no explanation, often “called to a new ministry,” and only the insiders know why. This form of secrecy induces fear in other staff members to stay in line. When someone leaves, he or she is encouraged to “end well,” which means “don’t talk.” Secrecy remains.

7. Behind the wall of secrecy lurks a perpetual fear of status degradation.

Along with the fear of being demoted, moved from the inside circle to the outer edges, or shown the door, there is also a fear of being shamed by having one’s status publicly revoked. Shame is the experience of being humiliated. All of these intense human experiences—status degradation, demotion, shame, and humiliation—are inevitable in a fear culture, and their presence is a warning that a fear culture exists. Bill Hybels, in his 2008 book Axiom, wrote a chapter called “Develop a Mole System,” in which he describes “communication conduits” he established at Willow Creek: I strike an intentional arrangement wherein they [the moles] provide me regular feedback on weekend services or conference sessions or how we are really doing in a department we have recently reorganized. . . . With all these folks—whether they know they’re operating as my “moles” or not—the lines of communication are wide open.[ 22] At first, this approach may seem like a decent one. Hybels describes responsible leadership and the importance of understanding an organization. But then he says: My direct reports need to know that I have other sources than the ones sitting right in front of me week in and week out. If they’re working hard and keeping me informed along the way, then the conversations I have [with moles] . . . should be of no concern. And if they have been painting a rosier picture than the truth, I don’t mind their knowing that I’m likely to find that out over time.[ 23] What does this sound like? Fear induction. “I don’t mind their knowing that I’m likely to find out” is a classic statement of the power-through-fear mindset. Likewise, having a strategically devised “mole system.” The very use of the word mole conjures images of a spy or undercover agent. What is the purpose of a mole? To secretly report information. Bill Hybels used information he gained from these “communication conduits” to instill fear, and the moles were not unaware of the power he had over them if they failed. One person told us, “Bill had moles all over the church building. I’d get calls immediately from Bill about something that went wrong in a service or meeting. Bill hadn’t been there, but someone secretly told him.” This is power-based, fear-inducing behavior.

8. The last phase of a power-based and fear-inducing culture is—no surprise—removal from the circle entirely.

Banishment is the ultimate form of the power pastor’s disapproval. It is experienced as total rejection, and often feels like disapproval by God himself. Once removed from the circle, people who have lived in a fear-inducing culture can lose their faith; more often, they need some form of mental health therapy. It takes years for some people to trust pastors and leaders again, and many develop a keen eye for the signs of a fear culture. Jill Monaco, a former executive assistant at Harvest Bible Chapel, wrote about her mental health after leaving the inner world of that megachurch: I’ll be honest . . . detoxing from fear is hard. After leaving HBC, I had a crippling fear of making mistakes or wrong decisions. Fear ran the show and controlled so many of my decisions. I’d sacrifice what was good for me to keep the peace. . . . There should be no fear of failure, fear of man, fear of authority, fear of independence, fear of consequences for speaking truth, fear of gossip, etc. in healthy organizations.[ 24]”

— A Church Called Tov: Forming a Goodness Culture That Resists Abuses of Power and Promotes Healing by Laura McKnight Barringer

If you have experienced the leadership of AG like I have for 15 years you are probably in some part confused. How does a pastor and great missionary treat people so horribly? How can he be so full of self while preaching the Gospel of Jesus? How can he have planted so many churches while building an organization that is so idolatrous?

I have recently read Philip Bassham’s resignation letter and I identify with how he feels. How do I go on in ministry if I have been trained in such an unhealthy method of ministry? How can I just hop out of one broken system and join another? How can I sort out all I have learned, carefully picking out the dross and leaving the gold untouched? How does a person make a disciple of Jesus and not of myself? Can I go on? Should I go on? What is the path of healing of past pain and future health for me as a leader of my family let alone as a preacher? How can I maintain a friendship with men and women “on the inside”?

I have spent a lot of time thinking of these things since my relationship with AG was severed 7 years ago. He was for a long time my only pattern for ministry. He was my only mentor. I was inexperienced as a follower of Christ and as a minister of the Gospel unstained by the personality cult of Gardner. Let me share a few thoughts in progress:

Is he an irredeemable monster? Is he a narcissist? Is he the Gaston and I the Belle or at least the Beast?

AG has desired his whole life to be great, to be special, to be remembered, to be well-thought-of. In short, he has desired glory. This desire is human. It is strong in all of us. For him it has become a personality disorder. This disorder traces back to two people: his mother and Jack Hyles.

AG’s mother was a domineering and disapproving woman while his father was emotionally detached and passive. During her later years AG referred to her as crazy and promised that he would shed no tears at her passing. Why is this? I believe his feelings of insecurity and inadequacy which he clearly suffers from were planted and fanned by his mother in his early years. He has always wanted to prove himself since he was a child but could never seem to achieve the illusive goal. I did not know AG as a child but I observed his relationships with those who raised him.

Upon desiring to go into ministry he was exposed to the ministry of Jack Hyles. If you don’t know the Hyles cult very well, then you will be surprised and shocked by the AG cult. However, if you did observe the debacle which was the ministry of Jack Hyles (abuse of all kinds including gross sexual abuse and an unabashed amount of man worship) then you will very much recognize this new form in AG. AG wanted to be the Hyles of Georgia. He studied him and his habits. He worked to achieve it. His early decade in ministry was completely modeled after Hyles. He has not been able to break the chains of that since.

If any of you have had a confrontation with AG you have surely been shocked by his insecurity that displays itself in fits of rage to the point of shaking. You have seen fear in his eyes. Why? You are attacking his god when you criticize him. He feels like you are disapproving of him. If he senses at all that you are personally against him he will hate you immediately and forever.

I have seen him have clarity about what is wrong with him. I have seen him want to confront these deamons and overcome them. But he has not been able to. Why? The situation is similar to the Ring of Mordor. The ring for him is power that supports his desire for greatness: power over other people, power to be obeyed, power to be followed. He wants the preeminence as Diotrephes before him. As long as he won’t let go of it and submit himself UNDER other people’s wise help, he cannot begin to break the idols in his heart desiring greatness for himself.

The bottom line is that he is not an irredeemable monster. He is just irredeemable until he is ready to humble himself under the mighty hand of God.

You will need to begin to identify the methods that are used by AG to obtain greatness. These methods of manipulation and coercion are well known and observable. However, they are not always obvious if you are not well versed in what these methods are. It will require some investigation and reflection on our part.

These methods need to be separated and contrasted to the methods of Christ. It can help to write these things down, renouncing the hidden works of darkness and embracing the ways of Christ.

The methods of AG are not his sin. They are the indicators of the heart sin that lives deeply inside of him. That is why this fight is so important. It is a gospel fight. When we point out abuse in the church we are doing what Paul did with Peter: withstanding him to the face, calling him to live out the gospel that he preaches and believes in. We are saying that we are not ok with the church being like the world. We are saying that the gospel should inform leadership in the church and that if it does not, we have no message left worth preaching. To publicly expose the sin of elders (I Tim 5:20-21) is a good and gospel fight. Many will tell you that you are just being bitter or that you should just focus on your own ministry or that you are just focusing too much on the negative, that you need to let God sort things out since He is the Judge, that you need to stop embarrassing Christ in front of the world, that this is just infighting, etc etc. However, you are engaged in a battle that has the gospel at the very center. You are attacking cancer in the bride of Christ. Anyone who loves Christ and his bride will learn to fight along side of you.

I was under AG’s authority and influence for 15 years. People tried to tell me that I was being controlled and manipulated by him. People tried to intervene every once in a while but they didn’t know how and I didn’t know how to understand them.

When I was 19 AG had us write down our obituary. What had we accomplished? What would we be remembered for? Now that I look back I realize what he was doing: teaching us to value and seek after the same things that he lived for: greatness, fame, honor...glory for self.

I was and am much like AG. I was born with an inner drive to succeed, to achieve, to make something of myself, to earn respect and honor...to be glorious. This compulsion in me made AG very attractive to me. It took two things for me have that spell finally broken: first, it took distance. I was not able to break that spell while I was under his ministry. I needed to be on the other side of the planet. His influence persisted while I was in Morocco for 7 years but the distance gave me some space to think, and experience, and grow.

Second, it took some other examples and voices in my life. My wife was speaking to me about these cult-like practices of AG since she first met him. But I had bought in. I was so invested. In 2007 I think I saw it but I had not yet built any other good relationships. I didn’t see any men who I could follow as they followed Christ.

I met some pastors and leaders who pulled me out by their example. They are Brent Armstrong (Arizona), Tim Heijermans (Luxembourg), David Hossaflook (Albania), and Tim Keessee (SC) alongside a few others. They showed me what it means to follow Christ, what it means to seek to point people to Christ and not toward themselves, what it means to influence people without demanding control of them, what it means to love their wives, what it means to be a Christian father, what it means to walk humbly, what it means to be a Christian minister.

These two things is what you might need right now: distance from the cult and some influences that you can observe. None of these men sought to influence me. They just sought to bless me. None of them claimed some special relationship with me the way AG did. None of them made demands on my time. They were safe and they were open. God brought these men sovereignly into my life. I didn’t force it. I never talked to them about my need. I just benefited from God’s goodness as he brought these men into my life one at a time.

There are some men in the group who will go through this same path that I have. They will come out and they need our support when they do. Chris Waye is a good example. He was staunchly against me when I spoke out against AG’s methods but a couple years later he was ready to listen and since then he has helped me more than I have helped him.

There are others in the highest leadership of VBM that are narcissist themselves. They will never denounce AG. They have the same idols that they are not willing to let go of and they may never be. It is too deep into who they are. Paul spoke out against people like this in the church publicly and so should we. We should do it in love but with strong voices. They should not go unopposed.

It is God’s way to expose things with light. It is the way of Satan to hide things. Those who want things hid will oppose you. They will try everything to keep you quite. They will shame you and they will guilt you. They do not want their wicked ways to be public knowledge. They want to keep doing these things in private. It is the soldier of Christ who does not stay quite but defends the church by lifting up the dual truths of the goodness of God and wickedness of man.

Finally, you may need to get counseling. Tyler Masters is a great resources to point you to who could help you. You may need to talk through these things with a trained counselor who can help you to work through what has happened to you and how it has affected your heart and your relationships. Don’t try to work through it alone. Don’t try to push it down under the surface. I tried for a long time and it didn’t make things better. We come out together stronger when we open up all these dark memories and expose them to light.

The end result of all of this will be to stir discussion about the gospel: what is a gospel preacher? How should he disciple? How should he lead and preach? What is the power of the gospel in the church? How is she redeemed when she has lost her way? How can leadership follow Christ when there are men who would steal their loyalty and steal his glory while using his name and his message to do it? We will all benefit from this discussion as resources and good preaching will inform the uninformed. Some will continue in their idolatry possibly for generations to come. But still others will be saved, helped, healed, and commissioned again to a world that needs a pure church living out the gospel they preach.

I love you all and thank God for your boldness.

Once upon a time, there was a prince named Rehoboam who was about to have the most wonderful day of his life: he was going to become KING! It was finally going to be his turn to be in charge. He had big plans! He couldn’t wait to see what God was going to do! But those pesky people that he was in charge ofand this is sad—they ruined his special day!

“Your Majesty,” the people said with a low bow. “Everyone in the kingdom is worn out. We feel like the king has been treating us a little harshly. Any chance you could make things a little easier for us?”

King Rehoboam was stunned and disappointed. Heartbroken, really. He had thought that when you became king, people wouldn’t talk to you like this anymore! He thought there would just be more bowing and yes-sir-ing. How were his big plans supposed to get done now?

“Let me think about it,” replied Rehoboam sulkily.

Rehoboam ran home and shot out an email to his young friends. It went something like this:

well they say we make it too hard for them they’re tired we don’t care about them enough I am very sorry for how hard I’ve been on you I love you I just want you all to have a strong happy kingdom I’m just gonna cancel everything everyone can just go do what they want

Within minutes, the replies began pouring into his inbox.

“You are God’s man. They’re being rebellious.” “No, we need you to do these projects. God’s glory depends on it.”

“They’re whiners who can’t survive in this world. If it was up to them, we’d be overrun with Syrians.”

“What do they expect a king to talk like?”

Rehoboam smiled. “Just what I taught—I mean, thought you would say.”

With the support of his wise young friends, Rehoboam promptly called a meeting with all the people he was in charge of.

“We’ve been way too easy on you all. You all are weak. What you need is a good scorpion sting to get you going. This kingdom is God’s kingdom. It’s no joke. We are gonna go all out. If you think I was big before, get ready, because I’m about to get a whole lot bigger. You won’t be able to get away from me. I’m gonna load you down until you can barely stand. You’ll work in my fields and only my fields. What kind of a king would I be if I had an easy yoke or a light burden?

“AND—I’m starting a new email ring called heavyyoke@israel.gov. Those of you who want to do something for God, just let me know and I’ll add you. But you have to promise not to whine when I whip you!”

What do you think those people did? Well, they wrecked poor King Rehoboam’s day again.

“A king like that isn’t worth serving!” they cried. “So enjoy being king over nobody!”

And they stormed off, resolved to find a gentle, compassionate king with a yoke they could bear (full disclosure: they had to wait quite a while).

The moral of the story, of course, is: if you try to do something great for God, a lot of people that you love and help will end up hurting you.

But King Rehoboam heroically made the best of it. There were some people who still wanted him to be king, and they did plenty of bowing and yes-sir-ing. He had a new list of enemies to make war with. And there were still his big plans… that is, God’s big plans.

1. Absolute authoritarianism without meaningful accountability. ✅
2. No tolerance for questions or critical inquiry. ✅
3. No meaningful financial disclosure regarding budget, expenses such as an independently audited financial statement.
4. Unreasonable fear about the outside world, such as impending catastrophe, evil conspiracies and persecutions. (I don’t think this one applies)
5. There is no legitimate reason to leave, former followers are always wrong in leaving, negative or even evil. ✅
6. Former members often relate the same stories of abuse and reflect a similar pattern of grievances. ✅
7. There are records, books, news articles, or television programs that document the abuses of the group/leader. (There are definitely lots of stories out there)
8. Followers feel they can never be "good enough". ✅
9. The group/leader is always right. ✅
10. The group/leader is the exclusive means of knowing "truth" or receiving ✅ validation, no other process of discovery is really acceptable or credible.

1. Extreme obsessiveness regarding the group/leader resulting in the exclusion of almost every practical consideration. ✅
2. Individual identity, the group, the leader and/or God as distinct and separate categories of existence become increasingly blurred. Instead, in the follower's mind these identities become substantially and increasingly fused--as that person's involvement with the group/leader continues and deepens. ✅
3. Whenever the group/leader is criticized or questioned it is characterized as "persecution". ✅
4. Uncharacteristically stilted and seemingly programmed conversation and mannerisms, cloning of the group/leader in personal behavior. ✅
5. Dependency upon the group/leader for problem solving, solutions, and definitions without meaningful reflective thought. A seeming inability to think independently or analyze situations without group/leader involvement. ✅
6. Hyperactivity centered on the group/leader agenda, which seems to supercede any personal goals or individual interests. ✅
7. A dramatic loss of spontaneity and sense of humor.
8. Increasing isolation from family and old friends unless they demonstrate an interest in the group/leader. ✅
9. Anything the group/leader does can be justified no matter how harsh or harmful. ✅
10. Former followers are at best-considered negative or worse evil and under bad influences. They can not be trusted and personal contact is avoided. ✅

1. A safe group/leader will answer your questions without becoming judgmental and punitive.
2. A safe group/leader will disclose information such as finances and often offer an independently audited financial statement regarding budget and expenses. Safe groups and leaders will tell you more than you want to know. ✅ (I feel like we are told the truth about finances, but now with everything else I question even that)
3. A safe group/leader is often democratic, sharing decision making and encouraging accountability and oversight.
4. A safe group/leader may have disgruntled former followers, but will not vilify, excommunicate and forbid others from associating with them.
5. A safe group/leader will not have a paper trail of overwhelmingly negative records, books, articles and statements about them.
6. A safe group/leader will encourage family communication, community interaction and existing friendships and not feel threatened.
7. A safe group/leader will recognize reasonable boundaries and limitations when dealing with others.
8. A safe group/leader will encourage critical thinking, individual autonomy and feelings of self-esteem.
9. A safe group/leader will admit failings and mistakes and accept constructive criticism and advice.
10. A safe group/leader will not be the only source of knowledge and learning excluding everyone else, but value dialogue and the free exchange of ideas.