"Abraham"

To whom it may concern in the leadership and congregation of VBC and VBM,

I write this letter not with desire to slander, but with hope that an abusive culture may take consideration of reform. I have spent a lot of time in thought and prayer over my experiences at Vision while in the training center, and what I have come to is this: While the TC touts the statement that it is one of the greatest training grounds for missionaries, I believe that it is actually one of the most dangerous and abusive I have come across, and has left a trail of blood in its wake. I believe my experiences and observations can shed light on why this is.

I grew up in an abusive home where my mother used manipulative and condescending speech to express her outright power and authority over my life and the lives of those around her. While I was passive and went along with her desires she remained rather silent and kind, but when I went against the status quo she went to extreme extents to isolate and separate me from any who could sway me from her grips, and then would shame and ridicule me for anything she had a problem with. There was very little edification or kindness... only “tough love” and unmatchable expectations. During my time at Vision I was taken aback at the shocking similarities in personality and method that were shared between my mother and leadership in VBC/VBM. Not long after I arrived at Vision I was told that I could not make it public that I went to Bob Jones University or I would lose missions support in the future.

Additionally, I took a trip to my home town in Ohio to visit my church and family after a Summit conference. During this trip my former pastor asked some very practical and methodological questions regarding why basic language training could not be attempted while on the road for deputation. When I returned to GA I asked AG some of these questions. Rather than kindly answer them, he felt threatened and proceeded to tell me that my pastor was a fool, idiot, knew nothing about ministry and that he was completely untrustworthy. He continued the slander and stated that my pastor would now be “blacklisted” and removed from the missionaries call list for deputation. This conversation severely hindered my relationship with my former pastor. I trusted Austin Gardner and felt that in some way he must be right. More or less, I did not speak to my former pastor (the man who discipled me and led me to Christ) for a year or so after that. My former influences in godliness were discredited and I was left with only VBM to trust and listen to. This began a shaping process that led to personal arrogance, mistrust and a superiority complex that has been very difficult to get over. My wife, A________, and I met at a VBM summit conference in 2017. We were married by AG roughly 8 months later. Two things took place immediately after our marriage that severely hurt and hindered our relationship with each other. First, the day following our 10 day honeymoon I showed up for class and the first thing that was said to me by Austin Gardner was that I was not taking ministry/missions seriously because my honeymoon was longer than 7 days. He asked if I really even wanted to be a missionary. I responded with “yes, I do” and I was, more or less, told to “prove it”. The same week I was confronted by some missionary men who told me that I was spending too much time with my wife and that I needed to be doing more ministry. Again, this was less than a month after our wedding and later I found that those men had marital difficulties themselves. I am ashamed that I heeded their council. Out of a sincere desire to grow and prove myself as a good student, I went home and told my wife that I loved her but that I needed to do more... I said “I will see you when I see you but I have to focus because they told me I am not doing enough”. I then set out to wake up before 4am and go study, as well as spending time “being around” and then studying after work until roughly 10:30 or 11pm. I would then return home to an upset (rightfully) wife who felt hurt and neglected by her husband. I exhausted myself only to find that no matter how much I did I couldn’t do enough to be enough. I was still continually scolded for not being around enough or doing enough. On numerous occasions AG wouldn’t even acknowledge me when I passed him and greeted. I would extend my hand to shake his and he would look at it and then look up and walk away without reciprocating. This, among other things, hurt more deeply than I wanted to admit at the time.

Looking back on that time I do not blame AG or the others in leadership at VBM for my neglect of my wife, but I do see a very dangerous trend around the immense expectations of the men in ministry. There is a culture that permeates VBM that invokes a feeling of anxiety and necessity to “do enough” to please Austin Gardner or gain his respect. Even down to the very method by which students graduate from the TC... it isn’t based on credits alone but by when “they think you are ready”. The frustration and devastation of striving to live up to these immense expectations is all the more painful when you make decisions that cause marital disunity... and still do not achieve the accomplishment of doing enough to be enough to please leadership. It ends up being a worthless sacrifice regardless.

Once my wife and I realized the spiral we were in we decided to leave VBC to take a year and grow in our marriage. I wrote a cordial letter thanking the leadership for their investment and for stirring our hearts all the more for missions. When I met with AG to present the letter and say our goodbyes he asked what the “real” problem was. I began to tell him that there was a harsh culture at Vision with incredibly difficult expecta... but before I could finish the sentence he stood up and laughed at me. He proceeded to mock me for my sensitivity and told me that he is training soldiers and needed to be harsh. I didn’t have much of a response so the meeting ended. The weeks following that meeting, friends who were still in the TC at the time sent me recordings and statements from Friday class meetings where he mocked me publicly for my sensitivity and boasted about the harsh culture he perpetuated in the missions circles. After hearing this I am surprised that we even decided to return again, but the burden of expected loyalty and the emotional pull that VBM has on those who have come under their care is strong. I have still yet to receive any sense of an apology regarding these things, and while I do not require an apology, I do see that as a lack of repentance and acknowledgement of wrong.

The following year we began praying about how to finish my educational preparation for ministry. The logical conclusion/solution was to return to VBC to finish my degree as the majority of my schooling was non-accredited. We decided to give Vision a try again with the understanding that we were not going to fall into the same trap of letting our marriage be burdened with the need to “please” others with our time. We returned in the Fall of 2019 and very shortly after began to regret it.

In a class taught by Robert Canfield, a letter was shared that stated the following; “This is how we know that we (the Church) are in no way a part of the New Covenant.”

After some time in study and prayer I approached Robert privately about the statement and asked how he had arrived at that doctrinal stance as I had never heard the position before. He cordially began to explain his position and then gave me some scriptures and other materials to study. I took these materials and studied them and began to go through the Word to figure out exactly what the scriptures state about the New Covenant. Again, in private, I approached Robert about the subject. I presented to him my views on the subject assuming that it would continue to be a healthy doctrinal discussion, but was met with some hostility. Shortly afterward Robert began a class by saying “Austin, come write your doctrinal question on the board about the New Covenant.” I told him that I would prefer not to bring up the issue in a public class setting. He told me that he wanted to, so reluctantly I wrote the question on the board; “How are we as the church in no way a part of the New Covenant?’. I was asked to explain from scripture my view on the subject in front of the class (the position being somewhere between covenant theology view of the Covenant and the dispensational view of the Covenant... in no way holding to the Presbyterian view of Paedo-Baptism, or holding to “replacement” theology regarding Israel). What followed was a rather discouraging exchange of debate and ultimately getting yelled at in front of my fellow students. Oddly, other students in the class held the same view as me but were not called out or picked on. This public method was used multiple times.

Finally, Robert met with me and wrote down my views on a notecard to show to AG. The following week I was approached and told that I would no longer be allowed to teach, preach, etc in the church until I changed my view regarding the subject (a secondary scriptural issue). This involved me having to step down from helping teach in a Sunday school class and more. The trouble with this was that teaching/preaching is a large portion of the requirement to graduate from the TC. Essentially, I was cut off at the knees from being able to move forward with the TC at all, but the method used covered the leadership from having to say that they wouldn’t allow me to continue in the TC. I met with Robert privately once more and explained that my conscience would not allow me to change my doctrinal view, and that in respect to their wishes I would step down from the TC the following week. I expressed that I would remain at the church to serve in what ways I may be allowed to until I figured out where else I could go to complete my schooling. The meeting ended rather cordially. As a not: Doctrinal difference of this nature actually points back to the very founding of the Baptist denomination... that there would be “fundamentals of the faith”, but that other issues of scripture were on the table for difference and discussion... not separation and ostracization.

Unfortunately, a few weeks later the circumstances changed rather dramatically. Jeff Bush met with me for coffee and began the meeting by straightforwardly telling me that I was being foolish and arrogant and that the reason I was removed from teaching/preaching ministries was not for my doctrinal views but for my lack of teachability and arrogance... that I felt I knew better/more than those in leadership. The trouble with this was that Robert expressly told me during our last meeting that he was sure there was no sin involved in our discussions and that he understood the binding to my conscience that I was held to regarding the issue. Jeff proceeded to tell me that he didn’t understand why I was still singing at the church or being a part of things in general. He told me that I needed to either apologize or “stop peeling the bandaid off slowly and just leave.” (verbatim quote). After inquiring further about the meaning of his ultimatum, I found that he actually meant that I needed to apologize or leave the church altogether. After finding that the leadership of the church wanted us to leave the church we decided to honour that request and leave the following week. The pain and heartbreak involved was incredibly troubling and we still have a difficult time understanding how and why things went the way they did. I must note though, that Trent met with me multiple times and expressed that he did not understand why things were being handled or responded to the way they were by others in leadership. I also will say that we praise the Lord for the strength and resolve He has used this experience to develop in us.

There are many other stories and difficulties that I could share from our time at Vision, but I want to be concise and stick to the purpose of the letter. To do so I want to share one more experience. During my time as a TC student I was diagnosed with an overactive bladder. The issue was severe enough that I spent many days screaming in the car trying to find a place to pull over to urinate. During many 1-2 hr classes I found that I genuinely could not hold myself and would have to step out quietly to take care of the issue. During a multitude of those times, AG would shame me and call me out in front of the entire class (whether it was a 40 person Friday class or a 10 person preaching class). He would say things like “I guess Austin doesn’t care what I have to say.”, “Do you really want to be a missionary?”, and would also go to the extent of sending out emails to large group rings “sub-tweeting” about how I couldn’t hold myself. In a desire to please and not get shamed, there were multiple times where I actually wet myself in class because that seemed to be a better alternative. Austin never one time asked if there was something wrong. This method of “discipline” is not only ineffective, it is abusive both physically and psychologically.

Outside of the above includes experiences of punched walls in “counselling” sessions, inappropriate and unbiblical handling of verbal, physical and character assault from a member of the church toward me even leading up to legal investigation, manipulative and shaming speech, and more... I want to state again that my desire in writing this is not slander. It is for restoration and reform. Pastors are called to be under-shepherds of Christ. They are called to love and lift up the sheep while defending them from wolves. When God-ordained leaders treat sheep as wolves instead of sheep, dangerous and detrimental things occur inside of church buildings and homes. I truly believe that much can be learned by us, the next generation of church pastors/members/leaders, by looking at unbiblical and abusive patterns of leadership in churches. It happened right in front of us... If darkness is brought to light then repentance and forgiveness of sins take place... others can then look to these ways and turn to God for strength to not perpetuate the sin! My challenge to VBC and VBM leadership is this: Learn from the mistakes of past leaders and, by the power of the Spirit of God, resolve to live godly in Christ Jesus in those areas... in humility acknowledge the areas where you may have already perpetuated these abusive patterns... Protect the sheep from wolves, but also from your own sinful tendencies... put in place the checks and balances necessary to confront sin in other brothers and sisters... establish a culture of transparency, repentence and truth, not secrecy. It truly isn’t too late to make these changes, but it will require gull and resolve... and most importantly a commitment to live in accountability with other believers according to the Word of God and by the power of the Spirit of God.

My challenge to VBC members is this: When you see sin, confront it biblically. Silence perpetuates abuse. Excusing sin accomplishes nothing more than a culture of unrepentant believers... THAT is dangerous. Demand transparency from leadership in all areas of the ministries of the church... this actually protects well meaning and godly leaders from falling into the trap of secrecy themselves. If you confront leadership of any kind and are met with hostility, take the next step in the Biblical model of confronting sin... bring others and then stand before the congregation if that doesn’t work. This obedience to scripture will bring glory to our God and will even result in the prophetic fulfillment of Christ’s promise to purify His bride and sanctify His people!

I truly do love my brothers and sisters at VBC and those serving with VBM... all of them. Austin Gardner and others at VBC can take credit for training me to study and understand the Word of God... for that I am ever grateful. I do hope and pray that my words do not hurt but encourage.

In the love of our Lord Jesus Christ... grace and peace, --"Abraham"